Effective women leaders disarm their bad habits, and learn strategies and processes to “place” themselves correctly for success.
This week I was talking with a fellow senior manager of a federal agency that was struggling with his female technical experts and how effective they were being in getting information from a technical to a non-technical audience. While I was able to counsel him on neutral and unisex model language to use in those discussions, I realized that I shared his observation that while more and more women enter technical fields, bad habits are maintained. Are these truly socially placed by habit, are these taught by other women and carried forward by example, are these brought about by subtleties in the conversations and other participants and empathically adjusted, or are they entrenched societal apologies for being a woman that knows what they’re talking about. Interestingly, I also do not find that these bad habits are different within different age groups but have found that they are not found in every level of the organization
Voice inflections are one of those “things” that drive me into a fury because the damage they do is so extreme to the presentation and so damaging to the woman. I am talking about the ending of every statement with a raised voice in the form of a question when there is not one. As a traditional woman, I know the scenery by which these habits form. It is little girls at a slumber party, wanting to present a good idea of moving things along, yet not wanting to be ostracized for being bossy or losing social status within the little girl group. So a statement, ended in the form of a non-threatening question is offered, making extreme eye contact to gage reaction, and the idea settles and is discussed and exclaimed how smart of an idea it is and all is right within the girl circle. But in the real world, these little girl antics are damaging. They show uncertainty, and lack of confidence, and lack of authority. Desperate eye contact coupled with delivery of content in a softer voice, shows utter lack of passion, as well as absence of conviction. It is a bad habit that must be forcibly broken. And worth breaking. Create a selfie video, and keep doing it until you do it right.
Curiously, during lunch breaks of day long meetings with mostly male colleagues, and sometimes a smattering of women (my engineering and science world does not have too many fellow technical women, usually), I must navigate the inevitable car seating selection situation. Running for shotgun, may seem too aggressive and power grab; succumbing to the back seat, so juvenile and subservient. My solution is to let the networking drive the situation. Never allow yourself the backseat alone, however, the opportunity for some private time with a senior colleague or to discuss a potentially sticky or sensitive situation could not find a better venue than the back bench. Equally, the opportunity to ride shotgun in the company of the highest ranking partner in your meeting team, cannot be missed, and should not be missed. The front seat creates an opportunity for shared vision as you share probably one of the most comfortable spaces of a modern person these days.
Lastly, is habit that so lacks for thought and strategy and is such a missed opportunity that I work hard to break my female colleagues of it. It is taking the outside row or the back seats of a meeting. While the reality may be that you just got invited to the meeting, you may be unprepared for the meeting, or that you lack information on the issues, always take a table spot. Not doing so not only shows a lack of confidence and uncertainty, but also screams that you lack the mental flexibility to evolve with the meeting and to accomplish which is often an organic process of problem solving. Setting yourself at the table makes you a participant in the process and allows you equal face time with the rest of the meeting.
Strategically, whether you are proposing or receiving should dictate where you sit. In receiving, you must decide if this is a first pitch or a negotiation. First pitches are a sizing up process, so dispersing your staff around the table is handy for gathering data on the trustworthiness of the proposer, and also their nimbleness on appealing to the different facets of your staff and organization. A negotiation should put you square with your team. A united front, so to speak. When you are the proposer, the same strategy applies in the sense that your staff should be dispersed so that they can sidebar to build trust amongst the receiver’s team. With a proposal, there should be one point person who should conduct their orchestra in a commanding way, so as to keep the focus. But this is a complex topic that we shall discuss on another day. The point here is to be at the table. Even if you say nothing the entire meeting, you need to be at the table. Period.
As women, we are already coming into workplace situations being sized up in alternative ways than our men colleagues. It is time to put on your game face and keep your eye on the prize by noting our own behavior, strategy and decisions in order to put ourselves in the best positions to gain a favorable and desired outcome.