It started as a low grumble. An unsettling feeling that it all wasn’t worth what I was giving anymore. I complained about it so often now. Leaving meetings late into the evening. Crawling into bed too wound up to fall asleep right away. Exciting conversations about things on the horizon. So much to solve. So much to create. So much to do.
Like many, I got caught up in the Marie Kondo “Does it bring you joy” craze. Beyond material things–a work in progress, truly–I wondered if indeed this was the answer to all my nagging problems. Could throwing the million after work things I do on the table and assessing whether they bring me joy finally bring the simplicity into my life that I thought I craved? So I did. On the table was the civic org I attended once a week and did all their social media and website work and pictures. Also, the political org that I spent nights and weekends planning, fundraising, creating agendas, organizing volunteers and strategizing. Then that environmental org that I did Facebook and Twitter posts for. Oh, and not to forget the national environmental org board that I was elected Director for in Washington DC. I threw it all on the table. And walked away.
Well, I graciously said no. That in itself was both terrifying and depressing. All of these lovely organizations and people–well, at first there were many emails, calls and texts. Panic ones and kind ones. And, then, well, they moved on without me. Not all of them. Not a first. But after a month or two. It stopped.
At first it felt liberating and luxurious. Wednesday night, why yes, I am free. Oh, Thursday, why yes, Thursday night is fine too. But then a strange thing happened! I started getting stingy. I wanted to keep all my free nights for myself. I wanted the luxury of doing absolutely nothing and that is exactly what I did. Nothing. Sometimes I read. Sometimes I sorted the mail. My house became really clean. Closets got sorted. Goodwill got bags of stuff.
I became….uninteresting!
I began to panic. A few social events that I had recently attended became centered on work, or a work issue. Boring. With kids out of the house, my kid stories were few and I constantly questioned, “Did I tell you this before?” before embarking on a story, because I had so few to share. Boring. Always the bearer of the inside track, I was trackless. And, the result is my self-esteem began to waiver. I began to create problems and drama in my immediate life. I imagined wrongs and intentions that people did not mean.
So, my year off taught me that going cold turkey on all of life’s volunteer opportunities, is not the answer. These opportunities afford a chance for real connections with others that share a purpose. With so much time off, some other nuggets of wisdom rose to the surface too!
- Be who you are. Do what you do. No matter what. Don’t let the nagging make you believe that there are greener pastures.
- Not everything important brings you joy, and not everything that brings you joy is important.
- Work is a part of your life but if you only have work stories to tell, you’re doing it wrong.
- And lastly, sometimes what brings you the least joy is the most important to do if you are the person called to do it.
“Every first draft is perfect, because all a first draft has to do is exist.” – Jane Smiley