Receiving is not a trait that the average executive woman is used to. Reports, assignments and other duties are receivables, but receiving is the yielding of control, the yielding of judgment and the suspending of expectations. For the woman executive, this is an especially difficult exercise, as we have spent a career in proving our fierce independence, pulling ourselves up by our bootstraps and boldly stepping up and front and center. We built our confidence on putting ourselves in challenging positions and creating opportunities for ourselves even when opportunities were not present. So to yield, in order to receive, almost seems like a betrayal.
Let me assert that receiving is one of the strongest skills that you can develop.
The ability to be confident to let go in the process, fully knowing that you have the ability to adapt to the changing landscape of an evolving situation, not only is the highest level of skills, but also will yield the most fruitful results. Additionally, yielding, lets your colleagues grow, form and work through issues, under an air of support and interest and respect, and creates an environment of freedom to express and create.
I continually cringe in meetings where an executive woman dominates the floor. Where she answers for her staff, and where she ignores social cues of how her message is being received. And I have been exalted by executive women who through eye contact and lead-ins, prompt their staff to respond, to questions, promote the message and lead the discussion through asking questions, and entertaining the answers to those questions with respect and enthusiasm.
How to build this skill? Remind yourself of the old rules: who, what, when, where and why. In your next meeting, start with the probing questions: What are your thoughts on this? Where do you think we could make this happen? Why do we need to move in this direction? Who do we serve and who can assist with this proposal? When do you expect this could be accomplished? And then stop, and listen. Really stop and listen. Fight your brain as it formulates positions and conclusions on what you are hearing—this is the key! When you are forming your response, you are not yielding, you are controlling. Just listen. And, a good way to keep this skill building on track, is to only allow yourself to ask questions. No statements. Give it a try.
I’d be interested in your results. Will you comment and tell me how it went?